Editors in Chief
GENTLEMAN CALLER (a.k.a. Mike)
Imagine you are a rich yuppie. You arrive home to your penthouse apartment after a long day of stealing the money of hard working people. You look forward to a night of selfish lovemaking, but from your living room foyer it sounds as if your unappreciated wife is already erotically engaged. You run lightly over to the bedroom, careful not to scuff up the floors. You find Mrs. Yuppie alone on the bed. She's smoking a cigarette and the window is open. You hear the clanging of steps down the fire escape and you know... she's been paid a visit by the Gentleman Caller.PETER
If Fox Mulder wrote thoughtful cultural criticism in his free time and if David Duchovny was not a sex-addicted weirdo, you’d get something close to Peter. The man has had enough of all the bullshit and this is abundantly clear in his devastating underdog deadpan. Forged in the sweltering cradle of sun burnt excess that is South Florida, his worldview is equal parts permanent cynicism and hopeful optimism. If Raymond Chandler were alive he’d buy Peter a beer in the White House Rose Garden, not to reconcile his racism and bigotry, but just because he’d be pleased.
Team Champion
ANDY RAY
I'm not a fan of hyperbole, but Andy Ray is the smartest man in the universe. You and I can't even begin to perceive reality the way he does. And I'm not talking about looking up at the night sky and connecting the stars to make an umbrella or some shit. That's kid stuff. When Andy Ray looks upon a starry sky or a baseball game or a Chinese buffet he sees the past, present and future all at once, outlined in a series of quantum-physical diagrams punctuated by colors and sounds that have never existed. Now imagine what happens when he turns his gaze to something like Twilight or Jumper. We all know that these movies are terrible, but only Andy Ray can explain why they are terrible and in the process make your brain cry tears of horrible enlightenment.
BENJAMIN
Benjamin is our answer to James Bond, specifically when James Bond asked us: "Hey Astro Supremo, can you show me a guy who's a lot like me but is a thousand times more suave, more well-traveled, more awesome in every way?" Yes we can. Benjamin. He's a globe trotting super spy who's less concerned about international intrigue than he is about international culture and cuisine. He's more than prepared for 2012, with safe houses in 26 countries around the world, each well stocked with a bottle of Maker's Mark, a bucket of Popeye's chicken, and a copy of the Evil Dead Trilogy.
BOBBY
I met this scrappy sonnofagun on the notoriously mean streets of Parkdale, Toronto in 1978. Bobby, or Triple B as he was known back then, was stocking up funds for the harsh winter by hustling naive American tourists with some crooked three card monty. I called him on his con, he hit me in the face with a frying pan, and we've been best friends ever since. Despite his glasses Bobby doesn't seem like the literate type, but trust me when I say this man's read every book in existence and even some that haven't been written yet. He's a word fiend, and he won't stop accumulating literature until he's got a collection that'll make Borges' Library of Babel look like a stack of magazines in a dentist's waiting room.
CLAIRE
Claire is a firecracker's firecracker. She doles out sociological wisdom lined with dangerous amounts of sass. But she does it all for the children. Unlike most of us at Astro Supremo, Claire thinks there is hope for the future and that it lies dormant within the innocent souls of the young'ns. Like a badass muther bear to the world, she'll stop at nothing to defend her babies from the evils of weaselly corporate America.
JEANETTE
...Or as she's known around here, Jeanette-X: The Woman with X-Ray Ears. She can hear right through you. The mind-control powers of commercial enterprises are utterly useless against her. Simply put, Jeanette is unfoolable. Once employed by the CIA to interrogate suspected double agents, she was let go after exposing too many frauds and cutting the agency work force in half. Alternately impressed and intimidated by her strict anti-bullshit policy, we recruited her for Teamo Supremo. Since then we've gained a skilled writer but lost our sense of ease. Careful! She's listening...
DR. JOELSEPH SLUGLIO
The Greatest Author in the (Second) World
Ph.D., Post-Literature, Moon University
M.A., Linguistics, University of Western Ontario
B.A., Intelligent Conversation, Hart Breckbaum III's School for the Smartly Gifted
I, Dr. Joelseph Sluglio, am the greatest author in the second world. My acclaimed novel Dog Mask is the defining work of the post-Mencia/Rogan, post-LOLBinx cultural zeitgeist. My contributions to this tired "website" are but an aspect of the research process for my next work, Ghost Shower, and hence purely ironic and experimental in nature.
-- Dr. Joelseph Sluglio, The Greatest Author in the (Second) World
JON
Shadowman. Went rogue years ago. Current whereabouts unknown.
MARKY
Marky is truly born of another age. He time-traveled to my doorstep four years ago. He was wearing a dark blue frock and holding two items: an original ten-thousand page manuscript detailing the history of political theory in America, and a glass jar filled with bacon. We haven't been able to figure out exactly when Mark is from, but it was indeed a time when spirited, intelligent and informed debate was held in high regard. Needless to say, Marky feels quite out of place in our time...
MARKY
Marky is truly born of another age. He time-traveled to my doorstep four years ago. He was wearing a dark blue frock and holding two items: an original ten-thousand page manuscript detailing the history of political theory in America, and a glass jar filled with bacon. We haven't been able to figure out exactly when Mark is from, but it was indeed a time when spirited, intelligent and informed debate was held in high regard. Needless to say, Marky feels quite out of place in our time...
SPENCER
In the roadside truck stop bar that is life on this planet, Spencer is the soft spoken sage in the corner booth. He sips a Yoo-Hoo and silently observes the desperate souls before him. His movements are slow and deliberate but inside his head spins the well-greased wheels of a mind powered by an unpredictable imagination and a biting wit. Do yourself a favor: take some time out on your way to wherever and stop by Spencer's table. Buy him a drink. Give him a topic. Listen to him speak. You'll get one hell of an education.
