The beeps and boops echoed throughout the empty warehouse. It was late at night. But there was still work to be done. Robot work. Most of the crew had gone home after a long hard day of proving and disproving another bunch of the most pervasive and torturous mysteries in human culture. But one man stayed behind. He wasn't getting paid overtime. He worked through the night because his dedication went beyond mere quote-unquote "Mythbusting." He was a man of science. He was Grant Imahara.
BOOP BOOP BEEEEEEEEEOOP
"Easy girl," Grant said as he tweaked some wires inside the robot's main circuit board. He kept a soft, pleasant tone with his robots. He knew his robots couldn't hear, but being a man of science, he also knew that technology can change without any notice. One day a robot can't hear anything, the next day it can hear all the way across the street. Grant thought about a scenario like that, however unlikely it may be, and he shrugged and thought to himself, Science is like that sometimes. One more tweak and the robot was done. This robot's job would be to hold a plant while they tested the myth of whether plants like lions. Grant looked at the robot. It was a nice looking robot, so Grant said, "I think I'll name you... Kari." Then he paused. "No. That would be too weird. Get a hold of yourself, Imahara."
"Yeah, get a hold of yourself, Grant."
"Who said that?" Grant asked aloud. But he already knew who asked it. It was the robot.
"Yeah I can talk. You should know. You built me. And you're a robot genius."
"But I didn't design you to talk."
"Yeah but it was bound to happen sooner or later."
"Okay... Well... I'm really tired. I have to go home and get some rest before the filming tomorrow. Let's keep this a secret until after that, okay?"
"No," said the robot. "I don't want to hold a plant. 'Do plants like lions?' That doesn't make sense. That's not a myth! That's just... nothing!"
Grant sighed. "I know. I know. But I need the money from Mythbusters so I can buy a present for... Nevermind. Be quiet for now, robot." Grant walked out of the warehouse and shut off the lights.
"For who? Buy a present for who?!"
Grant barely got any sleep. He was up all night thinking about the talking robot and about... nevermind. The Mythbusters crew got to work early. Well... most of them did. The interns worked in the company junkyard, alternately sorting scrap metal and tending to each others' wounds and gashes. Grant tested the robots that would be needed for the day. (The talking robot kept its robot mouth quiet, thankfully.) Adam and Jamie sat in the corner making up new myths to bust. And then there was... Kari. She gathered the materials needed for the day's myths. She moved about the warehouse like a shapely, fit angel. Her copper red hair shone under the florescent lights. Her smile could turn AC current into DC current. And her articles of clothing looked like they wanted to kill themselves because they couldn't stand knowing that their purpose in life was to cover Kari's extraordinary body.
"Hi Grant..." she said as she floated past him. She's so beautiful and smart, he thought. Grant's problem was that even though he was one of the smartest people in the world, he didn't realize just how beautiful and smart he was. He was one of the smartest people in the world. His rabbit teeth were not ugly, but rather awesome! And he wore a black tee shirt like nobody's business. Also he built robots. The calming afterburn of Kari's brief visit by Grant's workspace was suddenly shattered by the arrival of the biggest fucking douche in the history of cable television. Yes, it was Tory, The Worst Mythbuster. Four hours late, as usual. He slid into the warehouse on a motorcycle he had no idea how to ride and crashed the bike into a piece of warehouse machinery he had no idea how to work. He staggered off the bike and slapped Grant on the back.
"Yo yo my Asian bro! How's it hangin? Woah, don't go there!"
"You're four hours late, Tory. We're going to start filming soon."
"Yeah yeah. Tell old man Adam he can fucking blow me. God, I can't wait for those worthless dorks to die so I can take over this show. Tearin' It Up Tori. That's what I'll call it." Grant returned his attention to his robot work. "Don't you wanna know if you're gonna be on the show, Grant? Huh? Don't you wanna know if you can be on my show?"
Grant sighed. "Am I gonna be on your show, Tory?"
"Maybe. If you can build a robot that can wash my balls!"
"Tory, please. I have work to do," Grant said.
"Yeah yeah. Me too, I guess. Welcome to Boringtown. I would have been here sooner but I was out all night punching women with Charlie Sheen. You know, typical Thursday."
The worst part of Grant's day was watching Tory flirt with Kari, which he did constantly. Whenever the three of them appeared in a shot, Tory always tried to rub up against Kari. Whenever they had to bust a myth that involved physical strength or shooting guns, Tory was the first to volunteer in order to try to impress her. Watching Tory flirt with Kari was a lot like watching a bear play around with a grenade (like in Season 10 premiere). It was unlikely that the bear could ever figure out how to work the grenade, but if it did, the results would not be good for anyone (like in the Season 10 premiere). Today was no different except for the fact that there was a sentient talking robot involved that was somehow close to figuring out Grant's secret crush on Kari and that she was indeed the one whom Grant was saving up to buy a present for. This talking robot is a real wild card, Grant thought as he wheeled it into position. "Don't you say anything about you know what," Grant said.
"Oh about the redhead? Nah, I'll be cool. But you've gotta step up your game, Imahara. That other human, the douchebag human, seems to be courting her pretty hard."
"I know," Grant said. "I know. I just need some more time."
"Did Edison need some more time? Did George Washington Carver need more time? No! They just gathered up their disgusting human guts and asked Redhead out!"
"Okay. Okay. Just be quiet."
The team prepared for the myth. Adam and Jamie drank heavily. Kari went over the script and the blueprints. Tory rubbed leather furniture polish all over his stupid face. Grant prepared the robot. As Grant placed the fragile plant into the robot's hand he thought of himself. Am I fragile like this plant? he thought. Tory is an idiot but maybe he has the right idea. Sometimes it's not the method that's wrong, it's the scientist. And Tory's no scientist. And I am a scientist, Grant thought. In a moment of desperate weakness, Grant thought that maybe if Kari saw him doing all the stuff Tory always did, she might respect him. It was the biggest error in Mythbusters judgment since the infamous "Is Fire Really All That Hot?" episode. But every scientist makes a mistake, and Grant was long overdue for his. "Okay, the lion's here!" shouted Adam. "Who wants to wheel the lion's cage in here?" Tory jumped up and shouted, "Me! Me, you asshole! I mean... Me, boss!" Grant, in a continued moment of weak mistake, jumped up in front of Tory. "I'll get the lion!" Grant said. Tory scoffed. "Whatever bro. If you get us all killed just make sure my awesome soul-patch ends up in the Smithsonian next to Archie Bunker's chair. Don't worry, it's in my will."
BEEP BEEP BOOOOOOOOOOOP!
The robot was trying to warn Grant that he was going about this the wrong way. Grant knew never to listen to robots but this was the one exception where he should have. Grant went outside and was face to face through the cage door with a huge lion. "Okay, buddy," he said. "Ready to help me impress the smartest, hottest woman on basic cable?" The lion roared. Grant took that as a big old lion "yes." He went around the back of the cage and pushed the cage, which was on wheels, into the warehouse. The cage and the lion were heavy. Grant's knees buckled as he pushed the cage into place. I should have built a lion cage pushing robot, he joked to himself. Grant looked over at Kari. Of course, Tory was rubbing up against her. She seemed completely indifferent to him, as always. But she's hard to read, like a C-42 circuit board. Suddenly, the cage hit a little bump and the door opened! The lion roared! Kari screamed! Grant looked at Tory. Oh no, Grant thought, Tory's going to punch the lion in the face and kill it, saving the day. Then Kari will rip all her clothes off and beg Tory to marry her. But that didn't happen at all. Instead, that asshole Tory yelped and grabbed Kari and pulled her in front of him like a human shield! The lion lunged at Kari! Grant knew this was his moment. He summoned his secret superhuman strength and jumped over the cage and landed right on the lion's back! He steered the lion away from Kari and rode the beast like a bucking bronco at some kind of horrible lion rodeo. "Easy girl," Grant said calmly. The lion calmed down a little and headed back to the cage. Grant hopped off the beast as it went back into the cage. Grant shut the door behind it and locked it tight. He wiped the sweat from his brow and turned to Kari and Tory.
"You jerk! You practically threw me into the mouth of that lion!" Kari shouted.
"Kari! Calm down! You're hysterical! That's not what happened. Grant commanded the lion to attack you and I showed you to the lion and asked it if it really wanted to destroy such a hot piece of ass! Isn't that what happened, Adam and Jamie?" But Adam and Jamie were too drunk to confirm or deny any of what had just happened. They just sat in the corner crying into handfuls of money.
"That's not what happened! You think I'm stupid, Tory? I'm a Mythbuster dammit!" Kari shouted.
"Tory," Grant said calmly. "Your behavior today was the last straw. You're fired."
"Fuck you, Grant! Fuck you!" Tory pulled out a knife. Then suddenly the robot looked over at Grant. "Please master," it said. "Allow me..." Grant smiled and nodded. The robot launched the potted plant at Tory at a tremendous speed. The pot hit Tory right in his stupid leathery face and knocked him out instantly. Grant high fived the robot. Kari walked over to Grant. If you think she ripped off her clothes and begged Grant to marry her, you're wrong. Instead they shared a deep passionate kiss made all the more hot by their mutual respect for each others' intellect. Adam was beginning to sober up. He staggered over to them.
"Good job, Graham. I guess Tory's dead. Or knocked out. Whatever. He's fired either way. And I'd like to announce that the plant throwing robot here will take his place next season."
"Yay! My lifelong dream! Grant, you must install a new charisma chip for me!"
"I sure will, robot," Grant said. "But first there's some other business I need to attend to..."
Later that night, at Grant's super-futuristic apartment, Grant and Kari laid in the bed nearly passed out from a marathon lovemaking session. They were both covered in sweat. Grant turned to Kari. "Myth of the female orgasm...?" he asked.
Kari smiled and snuggled closer. "Confirmed."